Smoke Gets In Your (Baby’s) Eyes

I’m not much of a drinker, but I like to make people think I am hard core, so when I am out in bars with friends, to draw attention away from this shameful weakness, I often pick on other people who are drinking soft drinks and ask why they’re not drinking alcohol.

Last week I was out with some friends and I noticed one girl, a friend of a friend, was drinking orange juice.  A perfect target I thought, like a lamb to the slaughter.

“Why aren’t you drinking?” I asked, in an accusing tone.

“Because I’m pregnant” she replied confidently.

“Oh, well, that’s certainly a valid reason, probably the ONLY valid reason for drinking orange juice in a bar ….. but then, why are you smoking?”.

“The doctor said smoking is okay” she replied.

I’ve heard quite a lot odd medical advice coming from Chinese doctors which really is quite surprising.  It’s not like asking a middle aged Shanghai housewife her thoughts on cold remedies.  I expected that a doctor would have studied human biology as a science and that their advice would be based on science, but this seems to be far from the case.

For the record, smoking while pregnant is dangerous for many reasons.  For a start, the combination of carbon monoxide and nicotine deprives the baby of essential oxygen.  There is an increased chance of miscarriage, babies born to smokers are generally smaller and more at risk to infections and other health problems.

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38 Responses to Smoke Gets In Your (Baby’s) Eyes

  1. D says:

    nicotine gets into bloodstream which gets passed on to the baby, dont need no rocket scientist to tell :(

    but how do you tell in between orange and vodka+orange, red bull from redbull+vodka and coke from coke+wiskey etc??

    i might consider having a baby if i dont get married. but again babies are expensive. it is unlikely to be an ‘investment’ much like a ‘debt’…. i need money first?

  2. WoAi says:

    D – Yes. Even if the doctor was an idiot, common sense would tell you that it’s not gonna be harmless. But that’s how it went. I have several witnesses including Wisemanofasia (it was his friend).

    In most bars pure orange juice is in a bigger glass than a mixed drink.

    Yes, kids are expensive. I highly recommend you get a cat instead.

  3. wancestyle says:

    “Yes, kids are expensive. I highly recommend you get a cat instead.” LOL

    In addition, cats only bother you if they are hungry.

  4. wisemanofasia says:

    haha yeah woai she was my ‘friend’? actually she was my friends, friend, which makes her your friends, friends, friend!

    I totally agree with you! In fact I had almost the same conversation with her an hour before you did. Unbelievable! And you know she said she could only give up one and that drinking was easier! Just….mind blowing ignorance!

    She wasn’t very attractive tho so what chance did her baby stand of being a looker anyway……

  5. wisemanofasia says:

    Who are you good griefing Angie?

  6. gswafford says:

    I saw an advertisement in Chengdu claiming that smoking could prevent Parkinson’s disease.

    Even better, somehow I managed to get an umbilical hernia while living in Chengdu and when I went to see the doctor about it he told me it was due to drinking too much cold water. Gosh. Who would’ve thunk it?

  7. wisemanofasia says:

    gs – what is it about china and water? In Beijing no matter what is wrong with you they tell you to drink more water! It’s so ridiculous, nose bleed – drink more water, gotta cold – drink more water, your heads fallen off – drink more water! But….if you do…you’ll get Hernia!

    You see what a dilemma I am in now…..

  8. Dingle says:

    what a load of rubbish Woai.

    If cigarettes were as dangerous as you say then George Bush, Gordon Brown and Hu Jintao would not allow them to be sold, as simple as that!

  9. Sue says:

    Was she with the guy that knocked her up?

  10. T. says:

    I haven’t drank alcohol (on purpose) since 1997. Well, except that one sip of bai jiu that I was cocerced into drinking in that KTV in Quanzhou.

    So question me, tough guy.

  11. Miss Jane says:

    I can’t imagine how screwed up the kid will be when growing up with a dumb parent like that. That’s what we need in this world is more dumb ppl! Sheeesshhh…

  12. Jin says:

    I look at it as evolution. People weed themselves out accordingly. So if she has a miscarriage, her child has issues or is a runt, there you go. Sure it isn’t fair to the child, but what can you do? We will just end up seeing the result, and most likely her child will have a harder time succeeding in this world and procreating as well. With over 1.3 billion people in China, how much of the population needs to die off to effectively change societal ideology? By the way WoAi, you should have told her not to believe the hype of Chinese baby formula and stock up on it, since it is super cheap these days.

  13. rich says:

    Dingle, I think Shopgirl has hacked your account mate ;)

  14. SHEinChina says:

    I once interviewed a Chinese marathon runner who claimed that having his last smoke at the starting line, before heading out to run 42 km (!) made him run faster… I guess u can make uself believe anything as long as u just believe in it hard enough.

  15. WoAi says:

    GSWafford – I think these doctors all train at the same school. Drinking too much cold water seems to be the root cause a numerous ailments in China, including a sore shoulder, hernia, headaches, gonorrhea. I’d love to get hold of the text book they use.

    Wiseman – Yeah she wasn’t much of a looker. Is the baby yours by the way?

    Dingle – You make an excellent point. I’m going to start smoking immediately, although getting pregnant might be a harder challenge.

    T – On purpose? How do you drink it by accident?

    Miss Jane – Sorely tempted to make a Shopgirl joke but I’m trying to be mature!

    Jin – Yes indeed, Darwinism at work, survival of the fittest (and smartest).

    SHEinChina – My gosh you get up early! Yes, it’s true. I always have a cigarette before I have a sex marathon :-p

  16. T. says:

    Sometimes you order a coke or a sprite, and you get a a rum & coke, or vodka and sprite.

  17. Dingle says:

    I suspect the “drinking cold water causes all known illnesses” theory is from the Braun & Tefal book of home medication for the family.

  18. wisemanofasia says:

    ‘I always have a cigarette before I have a sex marathon’ – which is why Woai never smokes!

    Woai – ‘Yeah she wasn’t much of a looker. Is the baby yours by the way?’ – nah I wouldn’t go there but she had a photo of your dad on her phone…….stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

  19. WoAi says:

    T – I wanna know what bars YOU go to!

    Wiseman – You’re right, I usually go for the sprint rather than the marathon. And my dad does get around a bit to be fair!

  20. Heli82 says:

    How dare you question 5000 years of history and medical knowledge?! I once had food poisoning on a train from Taishan to Qingdao and the passengers around me seemed to believe it was because I slept with the air conditioner the night before. The security guard was convinced that if he did acupressure on my thumb I would be cured. It probably didn’t work since I was drinking cold water at the time. My fault totally.

  21. WoAi says:

    Heli82 – You sleep with the air conditioner on? ARE YOU INSANE? But seriously, the people on the train weren’t doctors, so although it proves my point, it’s less shocking.

  22. Dingle says:

    when I took h to the doctors the other week with a fever the doctor asked ‘have you drunk any milk recently?’ she said ‘err, maybe a little’, ‘hmmmm’ said the doctor, ‘you might have kidney stones’.

  23. WoAi says:

    Dingle that’s insane. If she drank the milk, how can you get kidney stones? These doctors really don’t have a clue.

  24. CP says:

    Perhaps we could develop the Chinese model for Britain’s overstretched National Health Service:

    - Advise everyone to smoke -> lots of additional tax revenue.
    - Blame everything on drinking cold water -> save money on diagnosis costs
    - Put melamine into dairy products -> buy shares in companies researching kidney stones; kill off sectors of the population who will then no longer need costly medical treatment.
    - etc.

    I propose such a project could be called the Chinese Utopian National Treatment Service.

  25. WoAi says:

    CP – I think the hotel I stayed at in Beijing had some Chinese Utopian National Treatment cleaning spray for guests to use.

  26. T. says:

    wisemanofasia – the same bars that everyone else goes to. Bars sometimes don’t understand that “coke” doesn’t mean “rum & coke”.

    And you’re not saving money – cokes cost just as much in the bar, with rum as without rum.

  27. wisemanofasia says:

    T – it was woai that said that not I! I know what you mean about the price of soft drinks tho. I was eating at a dim sum buffet a few weeks ago and although the food was only 88kuai it was 40 kuai for a coke! Ridiculous!
    A tip for you if you’re in the UK – you can drink free in nearly every bar if you can prove you are the designated driver. A set of keys should be enough proof!

  28. T. says:

    same thing works in the US with designated drivers.

    Maybe I was drunk when I was responding to comments. Wait, no. I’m just illiterate.

  29. wisemanofasia says:

    Maybe you had a drink by mistake….although it sounds like an excuse you might give your wife haha

  30. T. says:

    I have a wife?

  31. wancestyle says:

    Yesterday evening I had a chat with a Chinese friend.

    L: My eyesight is quite poor. I cannot see distant objects and people very well. They appear blurred.

    W: So, why don’t you wear glasses?

    L: Because the doctor said that if I wear glasses, my myopia will get worse?

    W: Really? Actually, wearing glasses should correct your myopia.

    L: No. The doctor thinks that since my myopia is low, just 400 degrees, it is better I don’t wear glasses because they could worsen it.

    W: Oh, then it’s better you follow his advice.

  32. WoAi says:

    I honestly do not know any bars that acidently put alcohol in soft drinks, but I’ll continue looking. And I’ve never heard of the designated driver free drinks thing either. It’s not a great benefit but it’s still nice. I was always the DD in England because I loved my car too much and also didn’t discover the “benefits” of booze till I came to China.

    Wancestyle – This is just shocking. It’s worse than old wives tales it’s based on absolutely nothing scientific. But again I’ve heard this before from a friend. But it wasn’t her doctor’s idea it was just her own opinion. And 400 degrees!!! Mine is 125 degrees and I have to wear them when I’m driving or outside. I can’t imagine what your friend’s world must be like. Just a big blur.

  33. tinkerbell says:

    hey woai, havent heard from Tommy for a while. what has he been up to lately?

  34. Miss Jane says:

    Haa haa…it’s a communist country, anyone can make you believe they are a doc or acupuncturist or marathon runner with abilities. Everyone can be so full of it some times.

    Anyhoo, yeah where did Caturday move to?

  35. T. says:

    Places this has happened to me (just off the top of my head): Abbey Road, Bar Rouge, Glamour Bar, Cotton’s, Cotton Club, JZ Bar, Face and People’s 7

  36. WoAi says:

    Tinkerbell / Miss Jane – Apologies. Caturday will be back this Saturday.

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